This article came whizzing across my news-feed the other day:
22 Ways to Raise a Homewrecker
I just don’t even know where to start.
Maybe today’s date is the best place: it’s October 2013. Two. Thousand. Thirteen.
How is it women are still thinking this way…?
Definition courtesy of yourecards.
The article lists twenty-two ways parents can ensure their daughters will grow up to be “home-wreckers.” The author is described as a wife and homeschooling mom of seven, who sees home as the primary mission field. The fact that the author seems unaware of the sexual connotations of the term should serve as a warning of what’s to come. The fact that she had to write an asterisk at the end in order to inform her readers that this was actually a satirical piece, and not really serious at all, should serve as another warning. Blog posts with two warnings…yeah, well. All I’ll say is you were warned.
Here are a few of Kathy’s Helpful Tips (Yes, Sheldon, that’s sarcasm):
“Be sure she knows that academics are her highest priority and that practical homemaking skills are menial and for the lower class folks.”
Nice. Why don’t we just return to the good old days when girls stayed home in the winter, darned socks and tended the cook pot while the boys went off to school. Goodness knows it’s dangerous to allow feeble-minded women folk to learn to read. (<—Sarcasm again. Relax. Understand, though, when one writes “sarcasm”, or even “satire”, the most biting examples are those born of truth.)
Learning the skills required to operate a washing machine and make a decent pot of chili aren’t skills that are menial, nor are they skills that should be lauded as Holy or More Important than skills learned in a classroom. Both skill sets matter, and both should be taught to daughters and to sons.
“Give her her own room, her own space complete with ways to tune out the family, such as unlimited ipads, iphone, texting, computers…”
“I have to be alone very often. I’d be quite happy if I spent from Saturday night until Monday morning alone in my apartment. That’s how I refuel.” -Audrey Hepburn
Mmm-kay. Somehow, parents, if your daughter has her own room, that is going to turn her into a self-absorbed shallow chronic Tweeter. To alleviate this, be certain you birth several girls, and cram them all into the same room, regardless of the size and accommodations of said space. And, for the love of God, don’t give them any access to Evil Electronics, which are obviously a Tool of Satan. (Who gives a kid, male or female, “unlimited ipads”?)
Kids need careful supervision, and strict limitations with regard to the Internet and many other things that can be harmful when used inappropriately, but this sort of thinly-veiled fear and hysteria of the world at large is not healthy either. Kids, and especially teens (both boys-mysteriously ignored in Kathy’s piece-and girls) do need some privacy. It is dismissive and can even be cruel (especially if you’re raising an introvert) to deny them the respect and human decency of having a bit of time and space of their own. In my own experience, allowing my daughter access to social media has had its ups and downs, but clear boundaries and mutual respect have alleviated much of the initial problems that came up in our home. And, I must say, I’m glad my daughter has access to YouTube: she finds the coolest stuff.
“Allow your daughter to always have an opinion on everything, and to ALWAYS have the last word!”
Um. “Allow” her? First of all, parents, just a small heads-up here: you can not control your children’s minds. You can influence them to varying degrees through the environments and people with whom you allow them to be exposed, and you can attempt to indoctrinate them with your own world view, but you can’t force them to think a certain way, and to attempt to do so is to treat them with an inhumane disrespect. To add to that disrespect by not allowing one’s daughters the ability and freedom to express her opinions and thoughts is to stifle the discussion and growth, both personal and relational, that can occur in the minds of both parent and child from working through the issues of life together.
Raising a daughter in the way Kathy prescribes can backfire: some of those girls might begin to think for themselves, despite following Kathy’s advice with the best of intentions. Some girls might find fulfillment in a career, and do something noteworthy outside the home, never marry or have children, and not feel the least bit sorry about that. Such women are not homewreckers. They are often trailblazers and entrepreneurs, people for whom the world would be worse off had they not followed their conscience and dreams for their futures.
This sort of parenting is in my opinion often about control more than it is about the well-being of the children being raised. Many parents are looking to build some sort of fiefdom populated by Mini-Mes who look, think, speak, act and believe just like Mommy and Daddy. That’s arrogance, and it’s ugly. And in a lot of cases, it backfires: some of those daughters rebel, and do so in such a dramatic way that they will be lost for a long time, becoming nothing more than a cautionary tale or a sermon illustration at teen camp, or worse in the eyes of their bewildered parents, they’ll excel and prove mom and dad were the Worst Thing Ever: they were just wrong.
“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson
Our children are our most important contributions to the world, and it is a humbling and daunting task to raise them. The most important thing to remember, in my opinion, is that each child is an individual, and that what works for my child might be disastrous for the kid next door. I have known people who were involved and proactive, cautious and protective, generous and wonderful parents, encouraging and motivating their kids to strive for and achieve great things, only to be heartbroken by that child’s decisions later on in life. Other parents I’ve known have shown no interest in their children whatsoever, and some have actively harmed their kids out of hate or disinterest or their own pain, and in some of those cases, the children from such homes are the some of the finest people on the planet, because of their intense personal desire to better themselves. There is no One Sure-Fire Way to Raise a Perfect Child, and there is also no Sure-Fire Way to Raise a Homewrecker. To assume such a thing is arrogant to the point of lunacy.